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One for Berlin (Who May Someday Be Mine)

i.
Today took the ring all the way around
like a whirl in a drain.
sitting against the clock
in a clockwise train i don’t
look out the window
since winter dark comes early
and it’s too soon to recognize
a city’s face in these Shadows.

ii.
circling is good is almost
[is not lying there] dancing
is not the living room couch
where Less is living.
what is wanting don’t know
if i’ve found it am i
finding anything except
to be Afraid is to be Alive.
trying to get home
before the trains stop
i tell myself i’ll find a way
(not sure i really believe that
since it’s unclear Where)

iii.
to not know what you say
is easier than not knowing
what you mean and i almost
regret learning this language.
where will i find the one i have never met
who will be my home?
the other thing i don’t understand is
crickets outside in summer
and feeling Safe.
the candy wrapper in the aisle
is not mine and to be alive
is to be afraid.

(Berlin, 2015)
©Rachel Susser